Obsession

Obsession, obsession, obsession, obsession.
Obsession, obsession, madness, obsession.
Obsession, and you, obsession, for you.
And you, and you, and you, and you.
Obsession, obsession, can't make it stop.
Obsession, what do you think of me?
Obsession, are you thinking of me?
Obsession, what is wrong with me?
Obsession, depression, repression, and...yeah....

Obsession.

Obsessed.

Obsession.

Can't think about anything else.

It goes again and again and again and again and again.

My every thought holds its breath waiting for you to share yours.

Obsession, endless obsession, endless obsession, endless, endless, endless, endless, endless, endless, endless, endless, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....

Sudden Transcendence

I smell air that smells like wet cigarettes. I do not smell the wet cigarettes themselves.

I feel like my hands are three or four times the size of what they really are.

I am very aware of my teeth being in my mouth.

I become aware of my awareness,
I become hyperaware of my awareness,
then I become hyperaware of my hyperawareness,
and finally I feel drawn toward the shore of transcendence.

...and I step off onto this new land.

You, New Friend, You

I say to you that we can be good friends, very good friends, if we agree to give one another everything--every rich intangible morsel of our psyches and selves. Accept this plate of me. I will take yours. Accept fears and other feelings and dynamics. Hold me. Hold me. Hold me to save me from my monsters. If they come, tell them to go away, or tell them they don't really exist.

I have a lot of apples, but very few grapes. You seem to have a lot of grapes! Can we come to an agreement to make sure that we each have enough apples and grapes? Let's make a grapple pie!

---

What do you need? What can I heal in you? I can create a very safe environment for you to sweat in. Sweat out your fevers and fears. 

Authority and Authoritarians

Rebelling against all authority starts early. Who does one have to rebel against but an authority figure? Outside of interaction with authority figures one is mostly in control, at least so far as more tangible, rational forces are concerned.

I had no voice or choice in my childhood. My father was an authoritarian figure in our home. He was imposing and dominating with us. No fly-away hairs escaped his obsessive eagle eyes and compulsive swatting hands ready to pat things smooth. He was too strong for me. I could not rebel against him unless I was willing to suffer more than I was already suffering.

...but...I am still suffering. I am still stifled and suffocating. His hand is still on the back of my neck, his fingers still figuratively pressed into my temples as he tries successfully to control my thoughts and crush my will.